Norilsk Weather Is Ideal For a Family Vacation
Sun and Fun
Summer in Norilsk is hot and dry. Temperatures average well into the 90s, and humidity rarely exceeds 20%. In American cities, walking under such heat would cause sunburn and eventually skin cancer. Throughout the 1980s, mass quantities of CFCs were sprayed to prop up vertical hairstyles, ruining skies above. Due to strict Russian environmental controls, and the popularity of water combed mullets, a healthy ozone layer floats above Norilsk, blocking out all ultra violet rays. You may walk the cobblestone streets day and night, dressed only in European speedos, skin glistening with baby oil under the polar sun.
While the rest of the world huddles in darkness, Norilsk bathes in 23 hours per day of sunshine. Plants have a near unlimited supply of photons to drive photosynthesis. Fruits and vegetables grow to enourmous sizes in half the time. Due to high levels of Vitamin D coursing through the blue blood of Norilsk's hero workers, their legs are straighter and mood gayer than the mole people of lower latitudes who endure ten to twelve hours of cimmerian shade.